dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have post one night stand depression
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