Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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