Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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