Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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