Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
