I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize