I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want to fling myself into the sun
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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