Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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