Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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