I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
