Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
