White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
