you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
