Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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