My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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