remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
