I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No subtext here. People are naked.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
