you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
