hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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