he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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