went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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