This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We left the knife in your bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
