i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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