Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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