If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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