i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
