For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
