i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
