i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
