i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
