I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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