Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
