My friends, they love my intelligence
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
