im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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