So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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