can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
