Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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