How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
