i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
