She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
