I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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