I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Randomize
