Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
