Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
