i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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