why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
