I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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