I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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