I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
