do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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