Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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