I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
