If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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