Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
