New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
