and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
