Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
