Welp...herpes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
