the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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