Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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