reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
