Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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