I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
