why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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