yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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