Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
