Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
