Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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