No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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