She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
