Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
