do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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